Can You Afford Me?

Excuse me miss, the question isn't whether I can afford you but if you can afford yourself. The only reason to why you keep posing this extremely intriguing question (Can you afford me?) is because you are certain that you can't afford the very lifestyle you desperately wish to live. In simplistic words: You can't afford yourself.
In this present day and age, most nubile ladies who wish to marry are tossing away great opportunities following a fallacy of whether the gentleman in question can afford them.
For most ladies if not all, the phase 'financially stable' has become a litmus test on whether they should marry someone. That's why today's marriages are holistically based on money and material possessions where morality, virtues and good values have been disdained where opulence have continued to take the center stage. My humble and sincere question is: Where did the rain start beating us that virtuous qualities like; God fearing, rectitude, chivalry and visionary gentlemen no longer carry the day?
Times without number, I've said that money is a good servant but a bad master. The fact that money is a good servant makes me understand the Solomonic wisdom inked in Ecclesiastes 10:19 c '........, and money answers everything.' Nonetheless, I will never lose my train of thought on monetary matters by failing to acknowledge the advice that St Paul gave to his mentee Timothy in his first letter to Timothy 6:10: 'The love of money is the source of all evil.' Beyond a reasonable doubt, this truth proves that money is indeed a bad master. What about the famous marital advice: If you fail to marry a man with a vision over a man with a television you'll watch the man with a vision in the television.
In matters marriage, it's not about what a man drives, it's what drives him. While the physical is variable, the intrinsic is immutable.
While there's nothing wrong with marrying a financially stable man whom riches and possessions are just but a means to an end rather than his idol that attracts you to 'love' him, there's more happiness and a sense of belonging that contrives the greatest aspect of social capital in marriage namely: Place Attachment, when the wife and husband accumulate riches and possessions together. These are the couples who later in their marriage enjoy each other to the fullness by looking back and seeing how far they've come together. Their present and future glory can never resist their former story which was just but an impetus towards both their successful future and their graceful aging. That's why the bible says that a wife is a suitable helper to her husband. (Genesis 2:18.)
The fact that a marriage is born (is supposed to be born) out of the highest level of friendship where two best friends intimately become one necessitates reciprocity in value addition lest your spouse perceive you as a liability in his or her life.
The perception that your spouse is a liability in your life is one among the leading reasons of the present day relationship disintegration and marriage dissolution. That's why you should marry or get married to your best friend of the opposite gender whom apart from being God fearing, rectitude, having a great personally and an amazing character must also hold both integrity and intellectual proficiency in order to add value in your life and ease your trajectory towards your greatness in life. 

Because You're Not My Friend

A while back I wrote a blog titled: Because I am not your friend. This was a self-arrived conclusion having observed that; how you treat me is totally different from your verbal claim that I am your friend. In other words, not even one among your myriad assertions have stood the test of time or correlated with your actions to sincerely prove that I am indeed your friend.
They say words are cheap but I beg to differ and say: "Words are free and that's why your claim about our friendship is just but a trifling rhetoric without any commitment whatsoever"
Having declared myself a free person from your ingenuine friendship where you have been using me for your selfish gain whenever an opportunity is at hand, I want to be so candid to you and to everyone else who perceive me as his or her friend because of the benefit (s) he or she derives from our friendship; You too are not my friend whatsoever. True friendship is founded on mutualism and reciprocity not on individualism and selflessness.
My honest declaration that you're not my friend is not out of pride or a sense of superiority complex, it's just a fulfilling sense of self-awareness to the fact that I have outgrown your friendship and you're no longer adding value to my life. If anything, you've turned our friendship from mutualism into parasitism. 
While it's inarguably true that friendship is a value addition zone, it's likewise true that you're an average of the five people you associate with. The fact that you can no longer challenge my thoughts means you've knowingly or unknowingly settled in mediocrity. Regrettably, you're on your own because I am not willing to follow suit. Your stagnation in a comfort zone where growth is impossible is an irrefutable evidence that you can no longer add value to my life hence my immutable decision to eschew our friendship.
Friendship is the greatest social capital not necessarily in terms of financial benefits but also on constructive criticism, you will never ever add value in someone's life if you keep telling them want they want to hear instead of what they need to hear with no exception whatsoever.
Now that my eagle mentality must soar on a high altitude, it's inarguably true that it can't correlate with a chicken mentality lest I stagnate in mediocrity and fail to achieve my exceptional goals in life.
Although not obliged, in matters friendship, giving you closure is not only a respectable thing to do, it's also a humane way of terminating friendship since it eliminates hatred as a factor of friendship dissolution.
As I pen my closure to our friendship, I hope you'll understand that: A person's network determines his or her net-worth, (not necessarily on monetary matters but also on personal productivity) and thus my honesty about my decision to renounce our friendship will save you from any agony, postulation or gossip of any kind.
My decision to repudiate from our friendship is an inference following our friendship inventory which has times without number proven beyond a reasonable doubt that our friendship has ceased to add me any value and thus my decision to shut off from unprofitable friendship. 

Having set the records straight, the next time you reach out and fail to get my response promptly, you'll have yourself to blame. 

Money or Marriage?

Kindly allow me to take you back in mid 90S on one of the best reality game show that ever featured on Kenyan television screens. This famous reality show was featured by Kenya Television Network. (KTN) Hosted by two stupefying people, Martin Mburu and Regina Mutuko. The show was eagerly awaited by millions of Kenyans from all walks of life every Sunday night immediately after the seven O'clock nightly news.
Unless you're a visitor in Jerusalem, by this time you are aware that I am referring to: OMO PICK A BOX show. This was a reality show that left a remarkable memory in the minds of millions Kenyans.
If you're wondering the relationship between this blog's title and a two decades old reality show, the  show is just but an analogy. Even though the primary idea of every person who was selected to participant was to settle for the lucky box, both hosts took turn to lure the participant into settling for the highest amount of money that was offered by one host instead of choosing the box.
When the money was offered in plenty, the opposing host could humbly remind the participant that his or her primary objective that saw him or her on the show was to win big from choosing the box. Times without number, the tag of war that contrived a total dilemma between choosing the money or the box could always take the center stage.
In reference to marriage, my question is: What informed you into marrying or getting married to your spouse? Was it the famous phase among vast majority of ladies: A financially stable man? or was it the uncertain probity that could only be manifested through time? In other words, was your decision to marry or get married based on money and material possessions or your prospective spouse integrity and visionary?
From our omo pick a box analogy, how many participants were adamant about choosing the box but got carried away by the amount of money that was offered in place of the box? In the same way, was your reason to marry or get married based on values, personality, character and integrity to begin with and are those the very reasons that have sustained your marriage to this day or your  insatiable greed for money contrived a diversion, or did you begin your marriage with ulterior motives?
It's very unfortunate that most marriages in this day and age are founded on the wrong reasons of visible and tangible riches rather than invisible and intangibles values. Even though I am not ignorant of king Solomon's words, 'A feast is made for laughter, and wine makes merry; but money answers everything.' Ecclesiastes 10:19, the love of money is biblically unacceptable. 'For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.' 1Timothy 6:10. Money is a good servant but a bad master. The love of money contrives insatiable greed where marital love is compromised in place of opulence. 
Being in a marriage because of money is like taking a job solely because of the salary without a smidgen passion of that job. If you don't have a passion for your job, you can never ever become productive satisfactory. Likewise, if you don't have a passion for your marriage, you can never ever become a productive spouse.
Before you point your finger to your spouse, chances are, you're married to the right person but your ulterior motives are the reason to why your marriage is on the rock. A marriage can only work if  husband and wife share mutual interests of serving one another unabatedly. Marriage is a union of servanthood not a master versus a servant.
If you're in marriage to serve each other, you will always find a million reasons to stay married. But if you are in a marriage to get your own interests served without serving the interests of your spouse, you're a selfish person and your marriage won't pass the test of time because of your selfishness.
In that regard, before you point a finger, lay a blame or accuse your spouse because of your failing marriage, first ask yourself this extremely imperative question: Have I been serving my spouse's needs relentlessly? 

Because I'm not your friend

You  can't talk about friendship without talking about Proverbs 17:17; a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. This is one of the greatest proverbial wisdom of king Solomon on matters friendship. 
A chapter down, Solomon accentuates the indelible importance of true friendship through inking the scriptures in Proverbs 18:24, There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.
The question that the above wisdom loaded scriptures begs is: Who is this true friend who loves you at all times and sticks closer than a brother? The primeval English proverb, 'A friend in need is a friend indeed,' have crossed my ears times without number since my childhood days. Regardless of how old this proverb is, the truth behind it is a daily reality that can never ever be ignored. 
Even though some people will genuinely befriend you, a great number of people befriend you with different ulterior motives and when thier need is met, they disconnect themselves from your friendship lest you need their help in the foreseeable future. 
Is it only me who have 'friends' who only call when they have a problem that they need me to help them solve? As  unfortunate as this is, there's no shortage of this kind of 'friends.' Most people who are in your life in the name of friendship are in to fulfill their ulterior motives. 
Friendship is a value addition zone. This means that: Apart from general social interaction, a true friend must add value in your life on matters self-improvement. Hitherto, there's a misconception that's ingrained in most people's minds that friendships are for insolvent adversarials. As a matter of fact, a true friend is the one who constantly implores you to resist your mediocre mindset and challenges you to think big. My arguement aligns well with the African proverb: Great advice transcends gifting.
I am not ignorant that there will be desperate moments when you'll urgently need material help, all the same, if you attentively hearken to your best friends advice on self-improvement, moments of despair will become a history. Great advice is the greatest moral support that a true friend can accord you.
Unfortunately, most people want to befriend you for material gain rather than advisory. These are the 'friends' who tell you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear lest they hurt your feelings and ruin their opportunities of gaining materially from you. These are opportunists not friends. To their hypocrisy I say: I would rather have one true friend who challenges my probity than ten who appreciates my idiocy. Any  friend who tells you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear dosen't add any value to your life. These are the 'friends' who make you settle in a comfort zone since they can't challenge your mediocre thoughts.
On the other hand, people who befriend you to sate their ulterior motives are more often than not the very fast people to accuse you of being aloof regardless of your efforts to meet their needs.
Although the saying 'no man is an island ' holds vast truth in it, it doesn't mean that you're to be stuck with 'friends' who don't add any value in your life. There's a role for everyone you encounter in life. Some people will test you, some will use you. Some will love you and others will teach you. All the same, the most important of all are the ones who will bring out the very best in you. These are the people who genuinely love you. Friends who will celebrate your win however smidgen it is and render you a shoulder to lean on during your troubling moments. They will be there for you come rain, storm, snow or sleet without making excuses whatsoever. They will sacrifice their time and resources to first and foremost meet your needs before their own. Friends who will call you not because they need your help but just to check on you. 
If you've been hanging around a circle of 'friends' who have not been adding any value in your life, I dare you to break that camp and afoot in search of new friends who will challenge your thinking and deconstruct your comfort zone. Life is too short to live by chance and too precious to be exposed to ruination. 

Comrade in Crime

Barely a fortnight after the sentencing of the former South Africa president Jacob Zuma to a 15 months prison term out his defiance, 72 people and counting have lost their dear lives and properties worth millions of rands vandalized where looting has become a full time job for idlers all in the name of protest. 

The fact that it's the largest ethnic group in mother Africa, spreading from Sub-Sahara through the Savannah grasslands of East Africa, down to the Victoria falls and all the way to Kwazulu province in South Africa, the bantus find pride in their centuries old humanitarian phrase, 'UBUNTU NGUMUNTU NGABANTU' which in a shortened version is UBUNTU, which literally means: 'I am because we are.'
This compassionate phrase finds its origin from the primeval African proverb: 'It takes a village to raise a child.' It's inarguably true that, a child's moral rectitude or lack of it thereof is a direct reflection of the community the child was brought up in.
Unfortunately, most Africans are yet to understand that ubuntu doesn't have a connotation whatsoever. In other words, the term ubuntu dosen't invoke a negative implication on solicitude. Ubuntu is strictly applicable on moral rectitude and doesn't have anything to do with moral turpitude. In simplicity, the term ubuntu is only applicable on matters morality not immorality. 
That notwithstanding, the aggression,  hostility and unrest contrived by the arrest and conviction of a nefarious member of the society especially someone with a leadership position clearly shows how our morality have continued to decay by each passing day. Instead of letting the victims to carry their own cross as per the injurious consequences of breaking the law, we hold demonstrations claiming that: He is a criminal, but he is our criminal. This bizarre behavior is not only an immoral depiction of comradeship in crime, it's also a conformation of PLO Lumumba's claim that: 'Most of us are probable criminals, it's only that we don't get a chance to exercise our heinous intentions.'
If you think by any chance that my claim is far-fetched, don't look far than the recent ruling of the constitutional court of South Africa that saw the former president Jacob Zuma guilty of contempt of court for refusing to appear before the State Capture Commission to answer intriguing questions on matters corruption that occurred during his presidency.
The fact that he was sentenced to a 15 months jail term has contrived chaotic demonstrations in different cities where looting and destruction of property have become rampant. Unfortunately, this inessential unrest will eventually render the economy of South Africa into an extremely deplorable state amidst covid-19. If anything, this irrepressible unrest has clearly vindicated that: Although he's a criminal, he is our criminal.
It's extremely unfortunate how we mercifully sympathize with politicians who are found guilty of corruption in a total disregard of how mercilessly they impoverish us while enjoying different positions of leadership and simultaneously wallowing in opulence using the public funds that are meant to improve the lives and livelihoods of their fellow citizens. 

Our leniency amidst their immorality makes them perceive us as indigent fools who can be subjected to any act of injustice without any complains whatsoever. In other words, we have not only become their enablers towards their dreadful acts on humanity but we have also made them our demigods by protesting against their warranted convictions. That's why they will never ever learn the simplest disciplinary rule of life that: 'Choices have consequences.'
As sure as death, sooner than later, some of the people who are spending restless days and sleepless nights protesting the jailing of Jacob Zuma will soon meet him in prison, regrettably not to sympathize with him but to serve their jail term out of their indefensible fanaticism. Therefore, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime. 

With that truth well encrypted on your finger tips, before you engage yourself in unworthy demonstrations and gratuitous protest following a court ruling where the culprit is lawfully sent to prison, kindly remember that; A society that despises justice can never overcome criminality.

Tom Mboya: The president that Kenyans never had.

This week on 5th July 2021, Kenyans marked 52 years since the gruesome assassination of Tom Mboya. Born as Thomas Joseph Odhiambo Mboya on Friday 15th August 1930 in Kilima Mbogo in Kiambu county where his parents were casual laborers in a white highlands sisal plantation, Tom Mboya would later emerge to be an International icon on different capacities. He was a trade unionist, an educator, a Pan Africanist and an activist towards independent Kenya. At home, he served in three different ministries as a cabinet minister. 
In his mid twenties, Tom Mboya had already managed to secure a scholarship which saw him graduate with an industrial management degree from Oxford university at 26 years of age. Two years later, he was elected conference chairman at the All-African Peoples' Conference that was  convened by the founding father of Ghana, president Kwame Nkrumah. He later helped to build Trade Union Movements across Africa.
In 1959, Tom Mboya was the Africa representative during the International Confederation of Free Trade Unions (ICFTU) conference that was held in Brussels, Belgium. Still in the same year, he called a conference in Lagos, Nigeria, to form the first All-Africa ICFTU labour organization where he profoundly talked about Africa Development Strategy.
As a true Pan Africanist, he believed in independent Africa where moving from International aid to intra-african trade would liberate Africans from poverty. His long-term objective as a trade unionist was to see Africa minimize aid and maximize trade. Even though it has been a long overdue, one of Tom Mboya's strategies of intra-african trade was recently realized on 1st January 2021 when African Continental Free Trade Area (ACFTA) kicked off. Noting that it has been 62 years since Tom Mboya's Lagos speech of 1959 on intra-african trade, we can all agree that; better late than never.
It's inarguably true that 1959 was the best year of Tom Mboya's life and the most busy of not the busiest. This is the year that he was invited in Washington D.C. by American Committee on Africa where he managed to secure scholarships for East African students through African-American Students Foundation. (AASF) This scholarship program saw 800 African students travel to the United States of America to advance their education between 1959 and 1963.
On Friday 11th September 1959, eighty-one African students from East Africa arrived in New York City on a chartered flight to start their college education. Among them were the late Professor Wangari Mathai who would later become the first African woman to win a Nobel prize and also Barrack Obama senior the father of the first black president of the United States of America. In the same year, Howard university which is a predominantly African-American institute of higher learning honoured Tom Mboya with a Doctorate Degree.
Tom Mboya's charisma on human dignity, political freedom and economic opportunities for all as stated on his 18th April 1959 speech while addressing American civil rights movement gathering in Washington D.C. caught the attention of John Fitzgerald Kennedy (JFK) who was then the senator of Massachusetts and a 1960 US presidential aspirant. 
On Tuesday 26th July 1960, JFK who was now a Democrat presidential nominee met with Tom Mboya who had traveled back to the United States in a desperate need to secure travelling funds for more African students who were still waiting to travel to the United States on  scholarships. JFK agreed to help with the travel expenses and established the Kennedy Airlift Program which saw more African students travel to the United States to further their education. 
The fact that Tom Mboya was a very close friend of Dr. Martin Luther king jr. and had subsequently developed close friendship with JFK is believed to be the reason behind JFK's November 1960 presidential victory where he garnered a lot of votes from African-Americans becoming the 35th president of United States of America. 
Although JFK raising to presidency came with vast responsibilities, he continued to support Tom Mboya's initiative through the Kennedy Foundation. Unfortunately, financial remittances were cut short after the November 22nd assassination of JFK in Dallas,Texas.
Five years and seven months later on Saturday 5th July 1969, just like his friend JFK, Tom Mboya at a tender age of 38 years was assassinated for political reasons while leaving a pharmacy on government road which is today Moi avenue. To this day, most people believe that Tom Mboya was indeed the very best president that Kenyans never had. 

The plight of the Boy-child

It first started with a feminist slogan that read: What a man can do, a woman can try. That was the kindergarten of feminism. However, it didn't take long to advance to: What a man can do, a woman can do. Sooner than later, the slogan then changed to: What a man can do, a woman can do better. In this day and age, that very feminist slogan has attained a masters degree and it now reads: What a man can do, a woman can outdo.
While myriad girl-child empowerment organizations and feminists are quick to convince the world that all the above slogans are as holy as heaven, my conscious force of reason begs to differ. To my best of knowledge, the objective of girl-child empowerment was to contrive gender parity through inculcating moral values not to bring a competition between the two genders through instilling a superiority complex mindset to a girl-child.
Unfortunately, the present day girl-child is being empowered in expense of a boy-child no wonder the rampant silent cry of a boy-child who has already found a spot in the world list of endangered species.
 In their incessant speed towards the realization of a gender parity world, what most if not all feminists have forgotten is that; diversity is the equity that contrives equality. This literally means that: If we empower both boys and girls  simultaneously and with equal measures, we shall happily achieve a complimentary virtue in place of the already existing competitive vice. While complimentary is the most suitable relationship virtue since it contrves tolerance,  the present day girl-child empowerment campaign is responsible for the unnecessary competition between boys and girls which has contributed to rivalry between the two genders in a dire quest of wanting to prove who's more superior than the other.
Noting that the boy-child is already in the world list of the endangered species, when push comes to shove, the number one question that every boy-child must have the courage to ask is; when did the rain start beating us?
To put matters into perspective, the boy-child has been neglected for way too long which makes his long awaited sense of patriarchy to seem unachievable. Even though it seems like  boy-child empowerment is unattainable primeval endeavor, with unabated commitment and relentless efforts, every predicament becomes a story of victory.
In order to close the gender parity aperture that's widening by every passing day, we must understand that boy-child empowerment is a responsibility of a man who must be totally ready and wholeheartedly willing to mentor young boys from preteens to young adults lest we continue to witness a generation of impotent and irresponsible young men.
'A boy needs a father,  in order to love himself as a man, he needs the love of a man. This means that; boy-child empowerment is not about the presence of your absence,  (physically present but emotionally unavailable) it's about being physically present and emotionally connected to the boy-child under your watch. 
It's extremely tough being a man since failure isn't an option. The worst thing about it is, there are no shortcuts whatsoever. Due to the very high societal expectation of leadership that's bestowed upon a man regardless of whether he was mentored or not, any mistake be it morally, spiritually, socially, financially and the like tends to diminish his sense of manhood, a view that makes most men to live with unforgivable and unforgettable social gaffe.
While my intention isn't to discredit the decades efforts that have made girls to believe in themselves, I am calling forthright on the need to stop empowering girls in expense of boys. Setting a competitive mood between the two genders is going more harm than good in the present day society.
Nonetheless, the boy-child should be taught how important it is to enshrine good morals and hard work because sooner than later his future will be at his doorstep demanding virtues which he won't afford simply because we never gave him some.
It's our responsibility as concerned and caring fathers to instill the boy-child with good morals and equip him with adequate skills for running his future socioeconomic affairs. 

By so doing, we shall have subdued the present day generation of majority of disoriented boys with sociocultural direction in matters, authority, work and morality.
Men, kindly don't give up or shy away even when you encounter failure. While your failure is an inspiration to the boy-child, your furtive quiting discourages the boy-child from staying focused and determined to accomplish the extremely demanding race of masculinity. In the very words of Nelson Mandela: The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling but in rising up every time you fall.